Hum and I drove to see our dad’s, grandpas, and brothers today for Fathers Day. We packed in our little pick-up truck to make the hour drive to have family dinner and delivery treats and hugs to all. Once again (surprise, surprise), this holiday wasn’t an easy one. On the drive home I looked at my mini dog traveling at my side and thought, “I’m feeling tired of you”. When we got Albus about a year and a half ago he filled a little empty hole in my heart. Maybe I underestimated the size of the hole, or perhaps it’s grown in size and shape since that time. Regardless, his little warm soft body couldn’t comfort me today. As I rode in our A/C-less truck while sweat dripped down my back and Albus’ back legs dug into my cramping that-time-of-the-month abdomen, my heart was breaking a little bit. As I handed fathers day gifts to my two older brothers who are having babies within weeks of each other, my heart was breaking a little bit. As I drove home on the freeway trying to read billboards and road signs to busy my mind and keep my eyes from pouring even more, my heart was breaking a little bit. By the time I got home to my also A/C-less house, I could only pull off all of my sweaty clothes and collapse in bed and attempt to let my breaking heart take a nap.
The solution? Perhaps if I just got a car with A/C and fixed the swamp cooler in my house this day would have gone entirely different. Or, perhaps it’s just a really sucky thing and regardless of temperature there will be some heart breaking on a day like today.
Don’t worry, animal fanatics (like the one that called the cop on me two days ago for leaving my dog in the car alone for 15 minutes... ahem), you won’t see cute Albus wandering the streets of my neighborhood tomorrow holding a cardboard sign that reads, “will bark for food” or anything of the sort... although I wouldn’t put it past him. I like him, I’ll keep him, probably until he kicks the metaphorical doggy can. But, if I could trade him for an upgrade (aka. a human), I so would. Yes, I recognize obtaining children doesn’t work like trading pokemon cards ("I’ll trade you my dog for your picachu..."), if only it were so simple. I mastered pokemon pogs in elementary school and I’m certain I could master the art of human swapping. But (wait... back to reality), since human swapping doesn’t exist, I’ll have to settle to remain happy with my semi-unfulfilling animal at my side. Albus has been my side-kick for a while now and I love him, I really do, but... I’m tired of taking an animal to the bathroom that will never be potty trained. I’m tired of filling up a bowl of food for an animal that can’t carry a conversation with me. I’m tired of loving an animal when I don't even know if it will go to heaven with me. I’m tired of loving an animal, I want to love a human instead. I guess I'll keep waiting patiently, sending positive mental vibes towards my woman parts, dealing with the things I have to deal with, and eagerly waiting for the Father's Day when I can shower Hum with the love he deserves for being the amazing father I know he will be.
Happy Father's Day to all you Fathers out there, you lucky little devils, you.