I did a real good doodle yesterday. I was thinking about mothers day just around the corner, so I doodled about that. This mothers day is a little interesting for me. I think it is the first mothers day I can say I might feel a little - empty.
I've been waiting for a while, waiting very patiently, to become a mother myself. I thought it might happen a few years ago when I stopped popping pills (the hormonal kind), but (obviously) it hasn't. I'm a very optimistic and faith-filled person so I usually just wait for things to fall in place, and honestly... they usually do... in time.
I can't say it's caused me all kinds of grief, because it hasn't. I've seen a lot of people suffer in this way and on a scale of 1 to ultimate grief, I would say I'm a mild in-betweener. I am one part anxious and one part scared out of my pants for it to happen. I don't think I'm the typical baby-hungry kind of person, in fact, I'm hardly baby hungry at all. I think I am mostly family-hungry. I am eager to take my kids camping, to teach them how to draw, to make cookies with them late at night, and to widen the love circle I share with my sweetheart. If I could just pop kids out at the age of 10 I think that would be most ideal. Too bad mother nature doesn't work that way, right?
On a whole, motherhood frightens me. I look at babies and I don't know what to do with them, I think about the time-suck little kids can be and I say to myself "I will never survive", I watch young mothers devote everything they have to their children and I think I could never do the same. But for some crazy reason, I still want it - and - I hope I will be okay at it.
I loved this sketch I created and it captured how I have been feeling lately. I wrote in at the bottom, "I've been waiting for you, and you've been waiting for me, too". I hope whenever I get lucky enough to experience motherhood I will be ready and I will do good job, just like that little crying ball of person (aka. baby) deserves.
Thanks for all the support about this sketch via instagram yesterday. I will be selling prints and the original at Beehive Bazaar this weekend! Stop by Thursday, Friday, or Saturday at the Riverwoods Mall. I'll be in and out but my booth will be there the whole time, it won't even take a lunch break, it's that serious about art markets.
>> If you would like a print and you live out of state, just let me know! I'd be happy to list some in my etsy store.
>> Remember my infertility paintings? I like some of them...
>> Wisdom? Thoughts? Are you in limbo, too? Enlighten me.